In our collection we've made also the following newspaper article about a UK study:
"The wild years to come later
- Why sex is 40 better
experience was only with about 40 women the best sex of her life - or even later "
In a few sentences is then explains why and how couples discover after a difficult period of child rearing her sexual relationship again and care in fulfilling manner. What the study does not say so clearly, but at least implies: the best sex are not young, fresh couples, but couples in the more mature age, what their relationship foundation could just get in the challenging years of early childhood care and time. Good sexuality you have not, but you have to develop them. The sexual relationship is therefore a vital task.
Freedom Communications
There is no doubt. Sex and relationship can not be considered separately. Also in sex therapy, we have seen the fastest success with couples who maintain their emotional connection and practiced in a free communication. Even if this was connected with an enormous amount of pain and work, such as in the investigation of a marriage breakdown.
Freedom communication means that requests "unrestrained" can be expressed, and can enter the partner or the partner in freedom on it - just or not. Sexual needs are so "negotiable." Not whether they are justified or not, but in the sense of a well-meaning dialogue. This might look like this:
you: Honey, I would like to sleep with you.
He: That's good, but you know what? I'm dead tired. But if it meant a lot to you, I can rouse myself happy again. You gotta just maybe something to help.
you: It's okay, I have indeed been looking forward all afternoon on it, but please let us to the next . Plan
trust as a basis
Such freedom of communication is only possible if I am sure my partner would really mean, and not just his best. However, once the feeling comes up, the other (and often it is indeed the man!) Seeking only his own happiness, it is no longer a give and take in the relationship. Often, women feel responsible over the years in this sense, for the happiness of man. They "do it for his sake," and lose the sense of time for their own sexual desires and needs. Original sound of a woman: "My husband often says, although he would still care for me a little. But he really cares so it is themselves, "Someday this woman will turn off the tap, and sexuality becomes a battleground rather than a place of encounter.
From the "ego-vehicle" interacting
Probably every sexual relationship starts first time as an ego trip, because to be searched, especially in falling in love first and foremost their own good feelings, even if such a love for others " camouflaged "are. Masturbation, pornography and even strengthen, possibly this egocentric tendency. Instead of developing a real for each other, many couples continue to run on the rail of a "orgasm-oriented sexuality," which mainly rely on the "good kick" searches. Sometimes you have to run the train on this track until the total dead end, until there is a positioning and orientation. And often this impasse is, unfortunately, then the degree of relationship cemetery.
growing intimacy - the way to fuller sexuality
Good sex does not live by big kick, but of intimacy. And it must be learned in every respect first. It grows as we learn to take each other to be aligned to address painful to live reconciled. On this basis, a mature relationship, we can get our own needs at all first to perceive and express. We can learn to be give to ourselves and to give themselves good feelings and affection.
Pleasuring
We provide the "orgasm-oriented sexuality" that "pleasuring" against. This English word can be translated as doing well, enjoy, convey good feelings, happy together, excited and give his excitement. Pleasuring describes one dimension of the sexual encounter that the Wellness - thought is close. Allow feelings and enjoy good touch and can. Just as warm sun rays on the skin, or like the sparkling air bubbles in the bubble bath. A relaxed give and take of affection and excitement.
If we discover in the sexual encounter these wellness dimension, turns suddenly less about the goal of orgasm with the associated potential for frustration.
We can then simply another positive move, be in the spirit of the famous motto: The journey is the reward!
Scheduled Sex?
The sexual encounter living in a long-term relationship of less impassioned feelings, but from the decision to engage with each other to plan even completely emotionless also an erotic encounter. That so but also very much a passionate can "adventure" develop some (fresh love) couples seems unthinkable ... The fact is that only rarely at the same time in a couple's desire for a sexual encounter and equally present.
The number of "listless men" is steadily increasing, although some of their need also to the pseudo-intimacy of pornography breast-feeding. In women, often the time for young children is particularly difficult, partly is because the emotional needs already covered by the parent-child relationship, partly because the mother is simply too tired to even more on the often arduous journey of a sexual encounter. Many husbands do this Lack of desire as a personal rejection. If else a relationship frustration to real intimacy is always difficult, and the sexual encounter less accordingly. The "orgasm summit" will climb for many women to be more difficult, but this is also the lack of "training", not least due. For the less frequently a mountain tour is done, the more difficult the summit is reached. However, if the overall relationship is true, the lack of orgasm, many women do not experience as dramatic. Often the more devoted husbands are hurt in their ego. After all, one would have (n) do it but ...
These husbands are under the (A) pressure, they would know what an expert needs your wife and what she is doing well. They would learn much more relaxed if they were to be guided in the sexual encounter between the woman and her expertise.
growth is always possible
Maybe you're frustrated with regard to any standards of good sex, where you measure your relationship. - Way too many Christian books are of little help in this regard because they provide "universal" and often unattainable ideals. - But it is our experience that every couple has a great potential, even after many to learn new things and lean years to get to know a fulfilling sexual relationship. Requirement is the willingness to stay tuned and invest in the relationship. presented
Wilf and Christa Gasser, March 2006
